"My Fantasies"
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When I was young, my mother and I participated in a historical re-enactment of an indian massacre. It was being produced by East Carolina University in Greenville, NC. They were making a film series for the North Carolina Bi-Centennial.
We wore buck skin dresses and we were barefoot. The story was about an indian tribe which was accused of some crime by the local town. The towns people massacred the tribe. There were about a dozen of us, mostly college students and woman and children. All of us played dead in the mock village, while they filmed the scene.
Although, I didn't know it at the time, I enjoyed being handled and moved, while playing dead, with the other participants. I also acquired a foot fetish. After the experience, I would always enjoy opportunities to play dead. When we would play cowboys, indians, or war, I died well, barefoot whenever practical .
As I got older, I would fantasies about being killed in various situations. It's funny, I used to look at the 'Crime' Magazines, at the newstand. I imagine guys, would look at them, fantasizing about finding , one of these dead girls. I was fantasizing about BEING one of the girls in the pictures.
I even took part in a disaster drill, while I was attending UNCW in Wilmington NC. I played the part of a dead girl on the beach. The disaster drill was a mock drill for a cruise ship explosion.
I enjoy fantasizing about being killed, this includes handling, and sexual manipulation of my body. It surprises me when guys ask, "Why would a woman, like these kinds of fantasies"? Why not? Think about it, I'm normally a very independent, controlled person. In my fantasies, I'm killed. Then I have no more control. My killer can then do what ever he (or she) wants with my body. I don't have to orchestrate, just allow them to indulge themselves. I don't think it's a domination issue, more of a detachment issue. I say this because, I can get very aroused, just talking about what I would "look like" DEAD, who I would be with, what the scenario was, leading to my demise.
In practice, I have only had a few sex partners. Other than Gary (the hubby), only one other person shared the fantasy with me. Gary doesn't really get aroused by the idea of making love to a dead girl, but, he does get aroused seeing me aroused. Also, on those instances when HE plays dead for me, I make it worth his time.
As far as, methods of death. I like being shot, as I make a dash for the door. Or shot as I'm surprised by an intruder. Swords, knives, arrows, or spears also work well. I've never be strangled or hung (except once in St.Augustine). So, I guess I'm not much into the asphyxia as a specific method, but, I'm flexible. I think a public hanging would be cool, if it didn't take too long. I am planning to be smothered by a pillow soon.
Sometimes, my fantasy starts with me already dead. Gary comes in and finds me somewhere in the apartment. He checks my body, an declares, "she's dead". I like that part. Then he has to check the body, and finally undress me, and fulfill my last request, which is for him to make love to me, one last time. Or several times, if he wants to keep the body around for a while.
The "already dead" fantasies, usually have me found in a car wreck, lying around the house, or in the woods (hiking, jogging), a stewardess in a plane crash, floating in a pool, on the beach, or on occasions in the office.
Handling is an important part of the experience. One recent fantasy involves a scene we saw in the movie 'Gotham'. Tom Lee Jones plays a detective in love with a beautiful ghost. She shows up dead, in various places. He picks her up and carries her to the bed. After seeing this, I wanted to do it. We have an wooden cabinet we use as a for linen, it has double doors. I lite some candles and got in the closet. Gary opens the doors and I slowly slide out. My naked body, lying at his feet. He picks me up and carries me to our bed.
I also like fantasying about being killed in groups, especially with people I know. This probably comes from the MANY games I used to play with my friends. I love the idea of being piled in a group. Many of my fantasies are just verbal. I like to talk about them, kind of like foreplay. Gary is a little uncomfortable when I include family members and close friends in my fantasies, I tell him about. A typical question from me to Gary would be, "What would you do, if you found Debbie and I, lying dead, in a tent, in the woods". I make him describe the details, including what he would do to the BOTH of us. Hey, even my own husband thinks I'm over the edge sometimes.
I have an elaborate fantasy, involving everyone I know. In it, we play a Murder Motel. This has each of us entering the motel, one at a time. The objective is to Kill or Be Killed. I think about each person, what room they find their victim in, or where they get killed. The next person in, finds the bodies of the previous players. Each person carries two tags on them. If killed, the assassin takes one tag as proof of the kill, the other, they placed on their victim as a toe-tag. I like imagining how each person is found, how they are killed. Different friends of mine killing each other in multiple varieties. Sometimes, I get killed other times I win the game, being the last one alive. I don't get to the end of this fantasy very often, since I usually have an orgasm, before the game is over.
Speaking of orgasms. I'm often asked, if I can have an orgasm, while playing dead. Most of the time, I give Gary a break and get out-of-character after a few minutes. On those occasions, where he is less inhibited, I stay dead and let him use me in various ways. I can tell, when he is in the mood, and I stay dead longer. I can have a great orgasm and not flinch. The full force of all the outward expression is turned inward. I guess all those years of yoga, paid of. Believe it or not, I've gotten Gary to cum, while dead also.
I'm not into torture. My fantasies don't involve pain, especially mine. I do like action. I love being a gladiator, amazon warrior, pirate, or indian maiden. Getting killed as an industrial spy or mercenary is cool too. I love exotic settings or everyday places. Many times, while in High School and College, I have sat in class and imagined, what the scene would look like, after the terrorist killed us all. The teachers and each student lying dead, were they fell, and me piled right in the middle.
Just to say it, as a disclaimer, I have no desire to get myself killed. I don't want to kill anyone, except in fantasy. I'm also, not interested in dealing in items which involve exploitation of others, i.e. real snuff, or anything not involving consenting adults.
If my friends only knew, how many times they died in my fantasies. My softball and volley ball teams were favorite fantasy death partners. I used to have a gym teacher who killed me and several of my friends on a regular basis.
Sometimes, I'm the stalker. While shopping in the supermarket, I study each person. Carefully selecting which person or couple is worthy of being my victim. Finally, after looking over the entire store, I pick the lucky winner.
I have always sought the opportunity to play dead in public. This is another sub-element. Althought, I have only have rarely had the chance, I like the idea of others looking at my dead body. Like being the subject of a murder investigation. When I was young, we used to play war games a lot (because I would manipulate my friends into playing). The rules were very elaborate. I would always get killed. They guys would carry my dead body back to their base. I know they didn't mind killing me and getting to handle the dead girl. On some occasions, they may even pile a few of us up at the base.
Other ways I indulge this, were participating with the local Jaycees in their haunted house, ever year. Great opportunity to be a corpse. Before the Jaycee haunted houses, we used to put on, our own every year. On year, we had a great time. There was an old wooden house on our property. Each of had a stall with a great death scene. Out back, Shannon and I, set-up in a large oak tree. We had Shannon tied in the tree, like she was hung and I was in a shallow grave underneath her. Don't get to do that much, anymore.
I always like the way people, especially guys, act when I'm playing dead. Most people aren't comfortable lying in front of other without being in control. I also, like the way the guys act when your dead. Bill and I were 15 and in the 8th grade. Our school had split sessions, so he and I got home a couple of hours before everyone else. I found out at an early age, a 15 year old girl could get a 15 year old boy to do anything. We died well together. Sometimes he killed me and sometimes I killed him. Most of the time it involved finding each other dead. We had horses and we lived near the beach, so plenty of chances to play, were available. We didn't have intercourse at that age, but, exploring sex, in conjunction with my fantasies, made those days very special.
Anyway, I have fantasied about being killed in every possible circumstance. I also include my friends and co-workers (male/female) in these fantasies. But, no one actually knows what goes on in my mind, not even me.
Many of these pictures, have been sent to me, by friends. I have added them for illustration. All the others are of me.